Things I...

...Will Not Miss:

• High denomination prices. Most things cost the same here as they do back home. But with the exchange rate, everything is multiplied by seven. Shopping is a mathematical nightmare when the numbers you're dealing with are so high. Admittedly, I can't wait to get back to small price tags like $5.99 and $2.50.   

• Products disappearing. It doesn't pay to get too attached to a favorite shampoo, soda, or beauty product. Because who knows if it'll still be on the shelves next week? Consistency with imports isn't SA's strong point. Items are here today, gone tomorrow.

• Hearing gunshots. I regularly hear the "pop pop pop" of gunfire outside my complex at night. It freaks the hell out of me. How people get used to it, I just don't know.

• Front gates. Holy baloney, I am SO pumped to return to a country where you don't have to go through gates to get into someone's driveway. They are SUCH a HASSLE. Each one has a slightly different procedure. Is there an intercom? Must you dial up to the their house? Which number do you use -- their house number or phone? Is there a guard who must ring them instead? Must you press a code? What is the code? Do you use the hash key before or after typing in the code?
  
  Oh yes, and then after all of that you have to  time things correctly so that the gate doesn't close itself on your car. Doesn't it sound fun to go through this song and dance each time you visit someone! 

• The plugs. I hate South African electrical plugs, I really do. They are the size of my palm. My palm! WHY does a plug need to be that huge?! They are so clunky and awkward and difficult to use. Please bring me back to the land of petite, manageable plugs.   

• Restaurant bills. THEY DON'T SPLIT BILLS HERE! Imagine going out with six of your friends for dinner and receiving a bill one foot long. Drinks, appetizers, mains -- all listed together in no order. You must bust out cell phones and pens and spend the next 20 minutes calculating what everyone owes. How is this the job of the customer?? I've worked as a waitress for four years now and I couldn't imagine telling a table of people to sort out their own bills. It's what the server is being paid to do!

• Customer service. To put it simply: the CS here is shit. I've personally worked in CS since I was 14 years old so I feel I am entitled to be so blunt about it. I've done the fast food, retail, client services jobs before. It's not rocket science but it does take patience. I feel like the South African culture has totally missed the boat in this regard.
  
  *Warning: The Following May Stray Into Rant Territory
  
  The thought of, "the customer is always right", doesn't apply in this country. If you're unhappy with a service, the attitude is usually "well screw off then if you don't like us the way we run". I was in Woolworths one day trying to pay for some flowers. They had been mis-marked at a lower price than usual. I tried to tell them that, as a customer, it wasn't my fault they had been mislabeled and that they were required to give me the discount. The manager was called over and I thought, "finally. Someone who will help me out". Not so much. She pretended like she couldn't understand what I was saying and refused to give me the ticketed price. SO FRUSTRATINGGGG!!
  
  When I called South African Airways to amend my original flight, I talked to no less than 8 people and received 8 different pieces of advice as to how to go about changing my itinerary. How can that level of incompetence exist? How?! When I tried to go online and lodge a formal complaint, I couldn't find the appropriate email address to send it to. When I called, I was told no such avenue of customer feedback existed. Nice.
  
  My favorite is retail stores. Back home, a visit to a female clothing store in the mall goes something like this: you walk in and are greeted. Asked if you need help finding anything. When you are carrying a few items, they are placed in a fitting room for you. While you change, you're asked if everything is fitting alright and if you need anything else. As you exit the change room, the clothes you didn't like are taken and returned back to the floor while you take your items up to the till for purchase. Right??
  
  I kid you not when I say that none of that happens here. You are rarely (if ever) acknowledged and must lug all your items into the fitting room yourself. The best part -- when you exit, you must put the clothes back onto the floor yourself. Are you kidding me?! What are these South African sales associated being paid for, exactly??
  
  Returning items is even more of a hassle. It is rare that anyone will ever bother returning things simply because it is such a mission. You get eye rolls, heavy sighs, no eye contact, and long delays as the manager is called. They make you feel bad for bringing something back. Sorry, but that is bullshit. 

Will Miss Dearly: 

• People. This goes without saying. The friends I've met here are amazing and I'm going to miss them so much. I keep telling myself I'll be back on SA soil in the near future... it helps me deal. 

• Cheap wine. Beautiful wine here is so affordable! High end bottles are around 100R (only $15CAN!), whereas you can still get a very nice one for 30R ($5!!). Back in Canada, you know a $5 bottle of wine would taste like lighter fluid.

• Markets. From the Rosebank rooftop market on Sundays to the Bryanston organic market on Saturdays, the South African craft scene is wonderful. I've spent many a weekend morning leisurely touring around vendor stalls, soaking up the sun, and munching on yummy homemade food. Guess I'll have to replace my market trips with Manitoba garage sale-ing.... not. 

• South African beaches. Need I say more? The beauty of SA coastlines is unreal. Somehow the muddy banks of the Red River just don't compare.

• Food. From vors rolls to pap, vetkoek to potjie... South African food will certainly be longed for by my tummy. Not to mention the red velvet cupcakes we regularly buy from our local bakery, Tart. I don't know how I'll make it without them! 

• Ironed sheets. And folded underwear. And never having to clean the bath tub. Ahh, the pleasures of having a maid. Those days will soon be long gone and I will forever ache for their return.